When "You Can Do It All" Stops Working
On letting go of the life I thought I had to build and choosing the one I actually want.
***My inner child is currently throwing a fit as I write this piece***
You can do it all.
You can be everything you want to be.
Stop making yourself small. Be big. Do more. Push yourself. Win it all.
For the longest time, I truly believed this.
Not only did I feel like I was achieving it all, I also truly believed I was going to be the one who could have it all.
The career. The hobbies. The side hustles. The family. The health. The body. The everything.
And in the past year, that reality has shattered.
At the beginning of last year, I was focused on studying for my PhD in Chinese Medicine, teaching yoga, being a lead engineer on a medical device project, being a present girlfriend (who soon became a fiancée, then a wife), being the best stepmom, being fit and in shape, showing up for my friends and family...
And doing it all with a calm, cool, collected nervous system.
The truth is, it all backfired. Fast.
Not just because I struggle with a chronic illness.
But because I struggle with the stubborn mind of the “you can do it all” mindset I was sold as a little girl growing up.
I’ve had to let go of a lot more than I ever wanted to.
I still want it all.
But above all, I want my family, my health, and to be calm and present enough to actually experience this one silly little life of ours.
Over the past year, I’ve shifted from you can have it all...
to you can have it all, but not all at once...
to something even harder:
Maybe you can’t have it all at all.
And while I feel so much frustration and sadness that life seems to be asking me to choose more and more, there’s also a part of me that feels relief.
Like maybe accepting that I can’t be all gives me the room to just be me.
To pick my top priorities.
To live them fully.
And to stop the cycle of running on empty like I have for so much of my life because I’ve carried this ache, this desire, this need to do it all.
I know it’s time to accept and choose. To make changes. To put down some of my goals and pick the few I truly want.
But how do you choose?
How do I put my ego and determination down?
How do I leave behind one of the things I’ve spent my whole life trying to prove?
I don’t fully know how to balance it. How to pick. How to take the next step. Or even what that next step is.
But here’s where I’ll start.
***Inner child is still throwing a fit*** (Inside I’m crying for the little girl who wanted it all. Who truly thought it was possible to be and do everything).
I am determined to choose the values that sit at the forefront of my life today. This will involve a lot of deep thought, journaling, and deconstructing expectations and voices that aren’t truly mine.
The one I already know sits at the front is my family. So, I’ll start there.
I need to put my ego down. To stop making decisions based on what sounds impressive, looks successful, or seems like the “right” next step.
Instead...I’ll listen to my gut. My intuition. Because that has always been my strongest guide (and also always seems to be right).
I’ll take my time, with grace, honesty, and vulnerability, because the truth is, this is no longer a battle I want to do mental cartwheels trying to solve on my own. Not only because I’m part of a whole now in this new marriage… But because I’ve always been part of a whole community that I’ve held at arm’s length from my mess. From asking for help, advice, support. Or even just for someone willing to sit and listen to all my crazy thoughts, ideas, and dreams.
So today’s post isn’t here with answers (again). It’s here to start the conversation. To begin thinking through this stage of my life where I learn how to do less.
But less with a full heart.
Present and no longer running on empty.
I want to live and be fully present in this life I’m creating with my partner.
I want to live and be fully present in this life I’m experiencing for the first time.
I want to live and be fully present in this process of discovering who I’ll become next.
So maybe there’s something about turning 30 that finally makes me accept that today (and for now) I cannot do it all.
And with an achy, yet strangely relieved heart, I’m committing to the journey of defining what it is I want this wild little life of mine to be.